cadres of conformity

When, exactly, did believing everything your parents believe, supporting the government no matter what and longing for a return to the old days become hip and rebellious? One of the most amazing feats of rhetorical skill in recent history has been conservatism’s ability to cast itself as an anti-elitist rebel. We’ve got patrician, spoiled, old-money New Englander George W. Bush painting himself as a downhome Texas rancher. There’s Ann Coulter, the icon-shattering hip young thing calling for Christianization of the Middle East and the repeal of female suffrage. And who can forget the Animal House frat boys on Fox who look like they could out beer-bong all your friends while palling around with the high-tech video-game warriors supporting our freedom in Iraq.

Young conservatives are up to the same tricks. A recent article in the Nation details the dynamics at a recent national convention of the College Republicans. In the contest for President, a barnburning, libertarianish Berkeley undergrad faced off against a values-agenda Georgian. The Berkeley activist made a name for himself by plastering the doors of offensive Professors with red stars and photocopies of the McCarthy-era California statute that made it illegal for instructors to display communist sympathies. Way to stick it to the man, yo! The entire thing reads like an account of a fraternity party slammed together with a Christian youth meeting.

On our campus, student activists display a similar swagger of rebellious conservatism. The chairman of Students for Academic Freedom wrote a caustic criticism of Gender Studies in our student paper. It was a masterpiece. He invoked the new “fairness” doctrine and appealed to a topsy-turvy idea that attacking feminism with ancient, sexist assumptions was, in fact, an assault on tired old ideas. What a delicious cocktail. Here’s a sample:

Now I’ll readily admit that the word “rape” kind of turns me on, but that’s only because it rhymes with “ape.” It requires a remarkable ignorance of history, art and biology to believe that rape is a social construct rather than a pathological failure to control natural urges. Rape has existed in every culture everywhere.

This new right-wing rebelliousness comes in two distinct flavors. While Southern and Midwestern cultural conservatives pose as defenders of the underdog against liberal intellectual elites, the coastal conservative plays to the crowd by rejecting the religious restrictions of their allies. They have made conservatism safe for the hedonistic college bro. Being a right winger at Berkeley or UCSB means that you can drink and fuck all you want, you can smoke pot and watch pornography and listen to rap, AND you can throw garbage at anyone who dares to suggest that you have any responsibility for the suffering or disadvantage of women, people of color, Iraqis or immigrants. You get to be supremely comfortable and arrogant at the same time. You can parrot all the comforting stories your parents told you about why you deserve everything you have, and you get to do so while being rebellious, cool and pleasure-seeking. Frickin’ sweet.

Its enough to make me miss the hippies. Well, almost.